Our regular gym is situated smack in the middle of Downtown Ottawa. Consequently, it’s filled with all manner of urbanites – from the butchest of butch to the queeniest of queens, and everyone in between. Nothing wrong with that – diversity is the spice of life and people generally don’t live downtown unless they’re open minded. So everyone gets along just fine.

But every so often, we do see some weirdos (and I use the term in the positive, all-embracing sense) – people who just stand out from the already eclectic crowd. In the past month or so, we’ve noticed a new regular. We call him (her?) Rainbro.

I truly wish I had a picture for this post because, even if I wrote a thousand words on the subject, it wouldn’t come close to describing how outlandish Rainbro is. Video would be even better.

Somethign like this, but with a black background and shinier, more colourful dots

Let’s start with the outfit. Imagine the shortest shorts you can – not butt-grabbingly-tight, just very short – and made of a rainbow-polka-dotted lamé material. Now imagine that on very hairy legs. It’s not pretty.

For a top, picture an extremely low-cut and tight tank-top. Then throw a scarf into the mix and you might be starting to get an idea of what we’re dealing with here. And for the coup de grâce – I’m absolutely convinced Rainbro wears a push-up bra under that tank top.

You might be thinking, “Gosh, it must be uncomfortable to workout in that get up.” Well, fear not. Rainbro doesn’t seem to be there to work out. Rainbro preens in the mirror. Rainbo minces. Rainbro flounces (I would have said “prances,” but it’s not a strong enough word.) In short, Rainbro moves through the entire length of the gym – from the weights room to the yoga studio and back again – doing maybe 10 reps of an exercise at each end (with a little shimmy of the shoulders for flair!), all the while rearranging the outfit and adjusting the hair.

It’s certainly entertaining to watch. And Rainbro’s not hurting anyone, so who cares, right? It’s great when people can live their lives in a way that makes them happy. But if you dress and act in a way that’s so obviously calculated to draw attention, then I’m allowed to poke fun. So don’t try to make me feel bed. There’s no maliciousness here. Rainbro is, simply, comedy gold!

I do have some concerns for Rainbro’s safety however. Junkii recently saw Rainbro at a gym in the suburbs, pulling the same routine. Suburbia is different from downtown, and this particular gym has a lot more butch body-builder types. Maybe it’s stereotyping the jocks, but it certainly seems a lot riskier to be so blatantly flamboyant in that environment. Rainbro may well provoke a violent response. I do hope nothing happens, but I won’t be surprised if Rainbro shows up to our gym with a black eye.


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